Should I be worried about going to Pride as a passing trans man married to a cis woman?

Escrito por: John Krise



Tempo de leitura 1 min

So I'm a trans man who's been on T for 10 years, almost finished bottom surgery, and am married to a wonderful cis lady. My newly cracked egg gender-queer friend has begged me to go to Pride with them, and I have agreed. My wife wants to go, too.

Many years ago, early in transition, I had a falling out with the trans support group at my college. Long story short, I kind of got scapegoated as the only person who identified as male and presented masc. They took a lot of frustration of men out on me when I just kind of like being masculine yk. I swear I wasn't being toxic!

But anyway I went to Pride that year and one of them looked at me and said "You aren't welcome here. You're as bad as a cis man."

Since then, I haven't had many trans friends, and whenever I go to Pride I feel like a stranger. I see other trans people and I go "I'm trans, too!" and they go "Oh..." and it feels like a knife in me. I really want that trans friendship but the only thing I've ever come close to is mentoring my newly baby trans friends who I've known as eggs for years, and they're all trans femme.


To be honest I'm scared of going to Pride. At best it feels like a chore and at worst I'm afraid of that feeling again of being othered and treated like an annoyance or an ally. The worst thing is, I do act a little queer when I'm comfortable! It's just subtle!

And I promise, I don't have any problems with pride. I love the rainbows, flamboyant, femme people, the fuck you I do what I want attitude. It's not internalized transphobia or homophobia. When I go, I feel like wow I love this, but I don't fit in, and I'm not accepted.

Does anyone else feel this? Am I crazy, or is this a normal feeling? Do you think I'll be harassed? Should I "dress up" extra gay, take off my wedding ring, etc?